天降瘟疫，警示世人；
佑護良善，神轉法輪；
中華兒女，齊反迫害；
華夏神州，起義成仁！
湯志敏2020年4月25日於比利時
zondag 26 april 2020
永遠的中華民國 For Ever Republic of China!
中華民國是過去，是現在，也是將來。中華民國是歷史，是現實，更是未來。中華民國是昨天，是今天，更是明天！這首《中華民國頌》，曾經被共匪改成《中華民族頌》。今天把它還原， 歡迎大家學唱。這首歌以簡單的旋律，傳統的五聲調式，波浪般的節奏，表現出長江後浪推前浪的氣勢，字字句句力透紙背，雷霆萬鈞。
青海的草原
一眼看不完
喜瑪拉雅山
峰峰相連到天邊
故聖和先賢
在這裡建家園
風吹雨打中
聳立五千年
中華民國
中華民國
經得起考驗
只要黃河和長江的水不斷
中華民國
中華民國
千秋萬世直到永遠
这是我今天用法国圆号吹奏的， 还有许多地方可以改进， 比如号里有水，没到出来。为了鼓励大家学习， 上传于此， 请多指教！
青海的草原
一眼看不完
喜瑪拉雅山
峰峰相連到天邊
故聖和先賢
在這裡建家園
風吹雨打中
聳立五千年
中華民國
中華民國
經得起考驗
只要黃河和長江的水不斷
中華民國
中華民國
千秋萬世直到永遠
这是我今天清唱的。第一次自己录像录音，不怎么会弄，学习中！不知道有没有把这首歌的内涵表达出来。唱的时候，突然忘了歌词，有一个字吐字不清楚。如果哪位朋友愿意给我伴奏或配音，请跟我联系！
志敏2020年4月26日
dinsdag 26 maart 2019
Tai Wan, the Ark of the Republic of China
By Zhimin Tang, former student at the time and place of the Tian An Men Uprising in 1989
Picture: Zhimin Tang in her self-made clothing in the Tang dynasty style
On the 21ste of March 2019, I was invited to contribute to a China Symposium in the Tilburg University, The Netherlands. I was very grateful for the invitation because for many years I was isolated by the Dutch society under pressure of the CCP embassy. On this China Symposium there were unexpectedly a lot of Chinese students who usually are never active in such kind of political forum. Some of them got very angry with me. They threw personal insults at me. They were prepared. They had studied about me, they told. But it is OK. In Holland and other democratic countries, people are allowed to speak for themselves. These people too, have freedom of speech, even if they spoke in the manipulation of the CCP embassy. It is an eye opener for the Westerners to experience China and its people.
Picture: Background of Zhimin Tang’s presentation with flag of the Republic of China, known as Taiwan, and a painting by Zhimin Tang.
I agree with one of the speakers Ms. Van der Wende, She tried to explain that the Westerners need to study Chinese and know Chinese history in order to understand the present situation of China. Yes, I totally agree. Our China has a history of 5 000 years and not just that pitiful record of 70 years of deterioration and slaughter of the Chinese Communists regime. In fact, such thing as Atheist Communism from Europe which was created by Karl Marx, Engels, Lenin and Stalin has NOTHING to do with our Chinese tradition and Chinese values. None of these communism founders were Chinese. Communism has killed generations of our intellectuals, destroyed our cultural heritage, damaged our Chinese spirits and so on and so on. 70 years ago, we had a democratic China - The Republic of China, now known as Taiwan.
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s power point presentation
Before I came to Holland, I was a refugee in my own country. In 1995 I came to Holland as a student, studying Sinology in The University of Leiden. Very quickly I learned Dutch. The Dutch people were proud of me. They would say: “ Look, there is a Chinese under us who speaks our language. ” Because of love and freedom I became very creative. I thought I was free and I published my personal story as a poor girl from one of the poorest villages of China and was selected to study in the Capital as an example of the hope for Communists China. Unfortunately my studies ended up on the Tian An Men Square in 1989.
I was naïve and I was wrong. Everybody in this country is free except for me, only because I am from China. The CCP embassy was furious about the publication of my story. The book selling and the republication plan were forced to stop and the publishing house announced to be bankrupt. I do not know to whom is the ownership of the copyright of my book going. It turned out to be a personal tragedy.
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s Power Point Presentation
In 2005, when I was kidnapped, I did actually not know much about Falun Gong. I knew that it was persecuted and I condemned that. But the dirty plan of the National Security of the CCP made me only more interested in Falun Gong. After the Dutch embassy arranged a deal with CCP to set me free, I do not know what they have bargained for with the CCP regime, I made a thorough study of Falun Gong and I found nothing was wrong with it. The three principles of Falun Gong – Truthfulness, Compassion and Tolerance are the essence of all existence. It is precisely what we call love. I know why the CCP is scared of Falun Gong: Falun Gong is a mirror and the criterion to discern good from evil.
Picture: Zhimin’s power point presentation
In order to maintain the level of persecution of Falun Gong, CCP invested and are still investing in influential people of the Western society. In Holland, lots of politicians, scientists, sportsmen, cultural workers, businessmen, China-experts, even journalists and human rights activists were and are still paid to make propaganda for the CCP or to shut their mouths. I was successfully banned from joining in public discussions and activities about China.
Once a Dutch television program made an interview with me about my kidnapping in 2005. After the broadcast, the whole reduction team received threatening from the CCP embassy and the journalists who were responsible were invited to China and treated with lux, including sauna and women. The content of the broadcast disappeared from the site except for the title.
In a live broadcast, a famous Dutch China-expert said that people who were persecuted were only a small group of Chinese. I was distraught by his remark because these are the exact words of a CCP spokesman. I asked him if the tens of thousands of students on the Tian An Men Square and 100 million Falun Gong practitioners, plus millions of Tibetans, plus millions the Uyghurs, plus millions of Chinese Christians can be accounted as a small group. I told him that we once saw ONE single beheading by the ISIS terrorists on television. We knew immediately that it is evil. According him should we wait till the majority of the worlds people lose their heads and then make our judgement? He also became agitated. So it is not the amount – how many people are persecuted and how much knowledge we have that matters. It is the humanity and love that matter.
When I was a teacher for The Business School of Fontys University in Eindhoven. The boarding received threats from the CCP embassy to dismiss me, otherwise they would never get any students from China again.
It is clear that CCP has kidnapped all Chinese students and all Chinese people and the whole Chinese market for its goal – to do evil. And now CCP is taking the world to do evil together with it. Unfortunately this evil action is adored as the so called China’s wonder.
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s power point presentation
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s Power Ponit Presentation
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s work “China Dream” on You Tube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtz2RznhWrs
People ask me why the Chinese people are so aggressive. I tell you this is why: CCP is training all Chinese, from childhood till death, as jihadists. They are trained to hate and to kill. Anybody who the CCP does not like can be made as an national enemy and shall lose all rights.
Picture: National Flag of Republic of China between 1912 and 1928
Piet Mondriaan is my great master also because he painted with the five primary colors. I consider this a typical Chinese trait. It correspondents to our five elementary theory. Fire – Red, Earth – Yellow, Wood – Blue, White – Metal and Water – Black. These make up, in fact, our national flag of a historical period between 1912 and 1928. The national flag of our Republic of China.
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s power point presentation
The Chinese character “ark” “chuan” is a very interesting interpretation of the story of the Ark of Noah. It is made up by three parts – a boat, the number of eight and a mouth meaning “human”. Some Christian scholars believe that the Chinese language is influenced by Christianity since Noah’s family had eight members and they were the only humans who were saved by the ark which Noah built on demand of God. Some of them even believe that the Chinese people are descendants of Noah.
Anyway, the traditional Chinese people believe that China is a blessed land by God. That is why they called China ShenZhou -The Holy Land or ZhongGuo - The Middle Country. So do I. The term “China” does not fit at all.
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s live performance <I, Miss China, 思故国>
My contribution ended with a live performance, a song, Si Gu Guo, meaning I Miss China, written by a Chinese composer called Xiong Jun, a Falun Gong practitioner who lives in Australia. In any case, if I speak, I always talk about Falun Gong. I want to share hope and happiness with my audience, even though Falun Gong is persecuted, but in it, there is hope---not only for China, but also for the world. To be true, to be kind and to be composed can never be wrong!
Picture: Q and A on the China Symposium
I was the last speaker. During the Q and A , the other speakers saw that I was personally threatened by a bunch of Chinese students, I am sure that they are manipulated by the CCP embassy, they stood up and made the discussion broader to show the way of peaceful debate of Holland about different opinions.
I also agree with another speaker Ms. Pang. She said, that if we want to understand the economical wonder of China, we need to understand the Chinese people. Yes, I want to say that the miracle of China’s rise has nothing to do with the Chinese CCP government. That owes to the spirit of diligence and self-discipline of the Chinese people by nature. Look at the Chinese all around the world. No matter where they are and what they do, they always do their best. Nothing, totally nothing to do with the CCP government. In fact, without the CCP government, the Chinese people would have contributed more to the welfare of the world.
Picture: poster of the China Symposium of University Tilburg, The Netherlands
All speakers agree that the future is Asian with the leading role of China. I also underline with this view. But I am sure that THIS China who can play a leading role in Asia and the rest of the world will NOT be the China of CCP. Significant changes are coming in China. The world shall be totally astonished because they are not prepared. They have missed the point. They are studying China from WITHIN the framework of which the boundaries are set by the CCP!
Zhimin Tang 22 March 2019 in Belgium
Picture: Zhimin Tang in her self-made clothing in the Tang dynasty style
On the 21ste of March 2019, I was invited to contribute to a China Symposium in the Tilburg University, The Netherlands. I was very grateful for the invitation because for many years I was isolated by the Dutch society under pressure of the CCP embassy. On this China Symposium there were unexpectedly a lot of Chinese students who usually are never active in such kind of political forum. Some of them got very angry with me. They threw personal insults at me. They were prepared. They had studied about me, they told. But it is OK. In Holland and other democratic countries, people are allowed to speak for themselves. These people too, have freedom of speech, even if they spoke in the manipulation of the CCP embassy. It is an eye opener for the Westerners to experience China and its people.
Picture: Background of Zhimin Tang’s presentation with flag of the Republic of China, known as Taiwan, and a painting by Zhimin Tang.
I agree with one of the speakers Ms. Van der Wende, She tried to explain that the Westerners need to study Chinese and know Chinese history in order to understand the present situation of China. Yes, I totally agree. Our China has a history of 5 000 years and not just that pitiful record of 70 years of deterioration and slaughter of the Chinese Communists regime. In fact, such thing as Atheist Communism from Europe which was created by Karl Marx, Engels, Lenin and Stalin has NOTHING to do with our Chinese tradition and Chinese values. None of these communism founders were Chinese. Communism has killed generations of our intellectuals, destroyed our cultural heritage, damaged our Chinese spirits and so on and so on. 70 years ago, we had a democratic China - The Republic of China, now known as Taiwan.
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s power point presentation
Before I came to Holland, I was a refugee in my own country. In 1995 I came to Holland as a student, studying Sinology in The University of Leiden. Very quickly I learned Dutch. The Dutch people were proud of me. They would say: “ Look, there is a Chinese under us who speaks our language. ” Because of love and freedom I became very creative. I thought I was free and I published my personal story as a poor girl from one of the poorest villages of China and was selected to study in the Capital as an example of the hope for Communists China. Unfortunately my studies ended up on the Tian An Men Square in 1989.
I was naïve and I was wrong. Everybody in this country is free except for me, only because I am from China. The CCP embassy was furious about the publication of my story. The book selling and the republication plan were forced to stop and the publishing house announced to be bankrupt. I do not know to whom is the ownership of the copyright of my book going. It turned out to be a personal tragedy.
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s Power Point Presentation
In 2005, when I was kidnapped, I did actually not know much about Falun Gong. I knew that it was persecuted and I condemned that. But the dirty plan of the National Security of the CCP made me only more interested in Falun Gong. After the Dutch embassy arranged a deal with CCP to set me free, I do not know what they have bargained for with the CCP regime, I made a thorough study of Falun Gong and I found nothing was wrong with it. The three principles of Falun Gong – Truthfulness, Compassion and Tolerance are the essence of all existence. It is precisely what we call love. I know why the CCP is scared of Falun Gong: Falun Gong is a mirror and the criterion to discern good from evil.
Picture: Zhimin’s power point presentation
In order to maintain the level of persecution of Falun Gong, CCP invested and are still investing in influential people of the Western society. In Holland, lots of politicians, scientists, sportsmen, cultural workers, businessmen, China-experts, even journalists and human rights activists were and are still paid to make propaganda for the CCP or to shut their mouths. I was successfully banned from joining in public discussions and activities about China.
Once a Dutch television program made an interview with me about my kidnapping in 2005. After the broadcast, the whole reduction team received threatening from the CCP embassy and the journalists who were responsible were invited to China and treated with lux, including sauna and women. The content of the broadcast disappeared from the site except for the title.
In a live broadcast, a famous Dutch China-expert said that people who were persecuted were only a small group of Chinese. I was distraught by his remark because these are the exact words of a CCP spokesman. I asked him if the tens of thousands of students on the Tian An Men Square and 100 million Falun Gong practitioners, plus millions of Tibetans, plus millions the Uyghurs, plus millions of Chinese Christians can be accounted as a small group. I told him that we once saw ONE single beheading by the ISIS terrorists on television. We knew immediately that it is evil. According him should we wait till the majority of the worlds people lose their heads and then make our judgement? He also became agitated. So it is not the amount – how many people are persecuted and how much knowledge we have that matters. It is the humanity and love that matter.
When I was a teacher for The Business School of Fontys University in Eindhoven. The boarding received threats from the CCP embassy to dismiss me, otherwise they would never get any students from China again.
It is clear that CCP has kidnapped all Chinese students and all Chinese people and the whole Chinese market for its goal – to do evil. And now CCP is taking the world to do evil together with it. Unfortunately this evil action is adored as the so called China’s wonder.
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s power point presentation
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s Power Ponit Presentation
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s work “China Dream” on You Tube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtz2RznhWrs
People ask me why the Chinese people are so aggressive. I tell you this is why: CCP is training all Chinese, from childhood till death, as jihadists. They are trained to hate and to kill. Anybody who the CCP does not like can be made as an national enemy and shall lose all rights.
Picture: National Flag of Republic of China between 1912 and 1928
Piet Mondriaan is my great master also because he painted with the five primary colors. I consider this a typical Chinese trait. It correspondents to our five elementary theory. Fire – Red, Earth – Yellow, Wood – Blue, White – Metal and Water – Black. These make up, in fact, our national flag of a historical period between 1912 and 1928. The national flag of our Republic of China.
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s power point presentation
The Chinese character “ark” “chuan” is a very interesting interpretation of the story of the Ark of Noah. It is made up by three parts – a boat, the number of eight and a mouth meaning “human”. Some Christian scholars believe that the Chinese language is influenced by Christianity since Noah’s family had eight members and they were the only humans who were saved by the ark which Noah built on demand of God. Some of them even believe that the Chinese people are descendants of Noah.
Anyway, the traditional Chinese people believe that China is a blessed land by God. That is why they called China ShenZhou -The Holy Land or ZhongGuo - The Middle Country. So do I. The term “China” does not fit at all.
Picture: Zhimin Tang’s live performance <I, Miss China, 思故国>
My contribution ended with a live performance, a song, Si Gu Guo, meaning I Miss China, written by a Chinese composer called Xiong Jun, a Falun Gong practitioner who lives in Australia. In any case, if I speak, I always talk about Falun Gong. I want to share hope and happiness with my audience, even though Falun Gong is persecuted, but in it, there is hope---not only for China, but also for the world. To be true, to be kind and to be composed can never be wrong!
Picture: Q and A on the China Symposium
I was the last speaker. During the Q and A , the other speakers saw that I was personally threatened by a bunch of Chinese students, I am sure that they are manipulated by the CCP embassy, they stood up and made the discussion broader to show the way of peaceful debate of Holland about different opinions.
I also agree with another speaker Ms. Pang. She said, that if we want to understand the economical wonder of China, we need to understand the Chinese people. Yes, I want to say that the miracle of China’s rise has nothing to do with the Chinese CCP government. That owes to the spirit of diligence and self-discipline of the Chinese people by nature. Look at the Chinese all around the world. No matter where they are and what they do, they always do their best. Nothing, totally nothing to do with the CCP government. In fact, without the CCP government, the Chinese people would have contributed more to the welfare of the world.
Picture: poster of the China Symposium of University Tilburg, The Netherlands
All speakers agree that the future is Asian with the leading role of China. I also underline with this view. But I am sure that THIS China who can play a leading role in Asia and the rest of the world will NOT be the China of CCP. Significant changes are coming in China. The world shall be totally astonished because they are not prepared. They have missed the point. They are studying China from WITHIN the framework of which the boundaries are set by the CCP!
Zhimin Tang 22 March 2019 in Belgium
maandag 7 mei 2018
Illuminate the darkness by using human radiance of kindness
----- My Confession by Tang Zhimin May 1, 2018 in Belgium
Photo：author Tang Zhimin's autobiography Tiananmen In Tears, published in Dutch in 1999, cover photo taken by Frenk van der Linden in May 1999, Beijing Embassy District
I China Dream, Home Dream
From juvenile to youth, from youth to middle-age, many years of a China dream have been dreamed about, A big, heavy, thick, thick, China dream, 5000 years lasted.
Now that old age is approaching, China is getting bigger and bigger and my dream is getting smaller and smaller. I'm tired. I tell myself: Forget. Don't dream.
In the far-away going China dream, I dreamed about my hometown. In my hometown dream, if the green mountains are still there, I couldn’t see clearly. But I clearly saw that my elderly parents are still there, alive. They are waiting. Waiting for the child who is accidentally lost and for the children of that child to come back again, safely.
Is it regret to parents? Is it self-doubt? I came out of my dream: Ah, China, my home! Ah, home, my China!
Photo: author Tang Zhimin displays her Chinese passport that have been retained at the cost of abandoning the citizenship of Western countries for 30 years.
II I return to China
My father is hospitalized because of illness. My mother asked me to bring my four children back to China as soon as possible to avoid regret. This has given me a big problem.
In the year of 2005, when I returned to China to visit my parents, I was abducted by rogue persons under the banner of National Security Bureau. I came back to the Netherlands after mediation of the Dutch government.
I vowed that as long as the Chinese government is still being manipulated by those rogues, I refuse to return. I also told my parents that if we could not see each other in this lifetime, we shall meet in heaven.
My father has been almost dying for many times in the past 13 years. Maybe it was because of the care for me and my four children who are far way. Every time he broke away from the lord of death and came back to life.
For the past 13 years, I almost cut off all contacts with my parents and my family in China, lest those rascals harass them for the sake of me. I thought that my father moight have no longer been alive. My mother’s phone call makes me happy and sad. I am happy because my father is still living on earth. I am sad because I and my children could not go to see him.
After learning about my sorrow, my two oldest children who go to university accused me of being unfilial and jesting. They laughed at me that I scare myself. They said that I think myself as too important. In fact, no one would care about my nonsense words and about those, in their eyes, meaningless actions. Because I am just a small citizen, so small as nobody, they said. They also blamed me for selfishness and demanded that I should not let them out of China's gate because of my personal so-called idealism. Whether China is good or bad, it has a significant influence in the world. The world is changing. China is changing. They need to understand China themselves. They must participate in the development and change of the entire world, including China. I became speechless. I am lost in thoughts.
Without failing to shy away, experts diagnosed me as suffering from the Post Traumatic Syndrome. I become easily nervous and easily fear. I scare myself. It is because the pain in the past exceeded the limit that I could afford, and my spirit is chronically exhausted. Under the guidance of experts, I realize that people who suffer from these kind of Post Traumatic Syndrome are not just I myself alone. But all Chinese people! Regardless of whether he or she is a victim or an abuser, according to the criteria of modern mental health, all Chinese people should relax their tense mood and should calm their nervous state and should receive psychological treatment.
Did those kidnappers who kidnapped me in 2005 just kidnapped me alone? Did not they kidnapped the entire Chinese government and the only ruling party in China--the CCP? Could they be equated to China under the banner of China? Should I abandon my parents and my homeland because of some hooliganism and hurt? Of course not! Haven’t those hooligans be caught one by one in today’s tide of anti-corruption of “Beating Flies and Tigers Together”? Isn't “anti-corruption” not the idealism when I was in the third grade of university? Dit not I and my contemporaries not hesitate to pursue it at the expense of life?
I have completed the mission that I should have to accomplish as a generation. I have done what the time has entrusted me to do. I should not feel sorry!
It's time for me to let go. The future world is of the younger generation. I have been nervous for a long time and exhausted by working hard for most of my time. I should really consider living for myself now. The affairs of the country, and the affairs of the community, I wouldn’t have to worry about again. I will leave it to the next generation to deal with. I decide to retire and I will return to the township, going on as an artist.
China is everyone's China. Let China be home of all Chinese people! Let the people of China illuminate the darkness with the glory of their humanity, their kindness. Wonderful! Wonderful! Wonderful!
Photo: Tang Zhimin (first from left) poses with her four children aged 21, 19, 17 and 11 respectively.
III Sell books and works to raise expenses
The China visit in 2005 brought me to hell, where I suffered from mental torture by hooligans under the banner of National Security. In the travel of 21 days I was followed the whole way and kidnaped 3 times. Hooligans tried all means to make my head thinking what they want me to think, to make my mouth speaking what they want me to speak. They wanted me to be a propaganda tool for their lies. They wanted me to be one of them. How could I? I took out all the tricks to maintain my conscience and to deal with them. When the Dutch government redeemed me back to the Netherlands on the ground that I am a Dutch mother, I was exhausted and like a frozen stone.
In the following years, the rogues continued to harass me under the name of the Chinese government and foreign embassies. They wanted to make me dumb and turn into waste. They implement the Genocide policy that is so called “economically messed up, reputation tainted, and physically destroyed” to treat good people like me who just want to be good for the country and good for others. In addition to my personal and my family’s threats, my friends and working partners were all threatened, of purchased. I ended up in financial and matrimonial bankruptcy and had a lot of debt.
Protected by the law of bankruptcy of Belgium, country of our temporary residence, the government appointed a lawyer to manage my debts and my finance in order not to allow the creditors to contact me directly and to harass me. Although my lawyer sympathized with our situation and understand why I want to bring my children returning home to visit my father and family, but he said that he can't pay for our expenses outside of Belgium, except 1000 euros for me alone. The two oldest children work on their own while studying. They can pay for themselves. The expenses of the two youngest children can only be determined by ourselves.
I still have some books which I wrote about my experience titled "Tiananmen In Tears," unfortunately only in the Dutch version. We decide to sell them for 10 euros. In occasion you want pay more, we shall be very grateful.
At the same time, I am currently studying at the Academy of Fine Art in Turnhout. I have daily assignment works. You can also buy my work. You decide to pay how much you are willing to. I will not bargain. If you are interested please contact me. My phone number is 0032 466 439 000, e-mail is atelierchina@live.nl, facebook account name is Bai Yian, Twitter account is @tangzhimin.
Of course, you are welcome to donate us. The account number is BE20 0636 2226 6856, Bic code is GKCCBEBB, and the account name is Zhimin Tang.
Photo: Tang Zhimin's work, charcoal painting, 70 x 100cm, Belgium, March 2018
IV The cost of risk
My decision to return to China has caused a lot of discussion under my friends. Some think that I am simply going to die, not different from committing suicide, and they stand firmly to persuade me from going. Some think it is not wise, but they can understand it. However, they think that I should go quietly, silently, and quickly. I do not listen to either opinion.
I can understand the feelings of those friends who resolutely oppose my return to China. They can be divided into two categories. One are those who have not personally suffered persecution in China. But they have joined us. Established on the facts that many good people have been innocently persecuted to death or even have become victim of the forced organ harvesting, they have received political asylum from Western human rights countries. They fear that when I return to China, I will be killed by those hooligans in China. The others have personally undergone torturing and persecution in China. They are afraid that I could not stand for the suffering of the torture which they have experienced. They warry that I could be forced to go to the opposite side and unwillingly to become a rogue accomplice.
However, I firmly believe that there is no standard in China. The problem is that no one follows the law. Actually, China’s affairs cannot be decided by anybody, but vary from person to person, place to place, and from time to time. It’s not that everyone shall experience the same. Also not the same experiencing will result in the same outcome. Moreover, fleeing from China is not the guarantee from persecution. In fact, many people are still being persecuted abroad, in different ways, such as economic persecution and emotional persecution, healthy persecution, etc.
The China visit in 2005 brought me to hell, where I suffered from mental torture by hooligans under the banner of National Security. In the travel of 21 days I was followed the whole way and kidnaped 3 times. Hooligans tried all means to make my head thinking what they want me to think, to make my mouth speaking what they want me to speak. They wanted me to be a propaganda tool for their lies. They wanted me to be one of them. How could I? I took out all the tricks to maintain my conscience and to deal with them. When the Dutch government redeemed me back to the Netherlands on the ground that I am a Dutch mother, I was exhausted and like a frozen stone.
In the following years, the rogues continued to harass me under the name of the Chinese government and foreign embassies. They wanted to make me dumb and turn into waste. They implement the Genocide policy that is so called “economically messed up, reputation tainted, and physically destroyed” to treat good people like me who just want to be good for the country and good for others. In addition to my personal and my family’s threats, my friends and working partners were all threatened, of purchased. I ended up in financial and matrimonial bankruptcy and had a lot of debt.
Protected by the law of bankruptcy of Belgium, country of our temporary residence, the government appointed a lawyer to manage my debts and my finance in order not to allow the creditors to contact me directly and to harass me. Although my lawyer sympathized with our situation and understand why I want to bring my children returning home to visit my father and family, but he said that he can't pay for our expenses outside of Belgium, except 1000 euros for me alone. The two oldest children work on their own while studying. They can pay for themselves. The expenses of the two youngest children can only be determined by ourselves.
I still have some books which I wrote about my experience titled "Tiananmen In Tears," unfortunately only in the Dutch version. We decide to sell them for 10 euros. In occasion you want pay more, we shall be very grateful.
At the same time, I am currently studying at the Academy of Fine Art in Turnhout. I have daily assignment works. You can also buy my work. You decide to pay how much you are willing to. I will not bargain. If you are interested please contact me. My phone number is 0032 466 439 000, e-mail is atelierchina@live.nl, facebook account name is Bai Yian, Twitter account is @tangzhimin.
Of course, you are welcome to donate us. The account number is BE20 0636 2226 6856, Bic code is GKCCBEBB, and the account name is Zhimin Tang.
Photo: Tang Zhimin's work, charcoal painting, 70 x 100cm, Belgium, March 2018
IV The cost of risk
My decision to return to China has caused a lot of discussion under my friends. Some think that I am simply going to die, not different from committing suicide, and they stand firmly to persuade me from going. Some think it is not wise, but they can understand it. However, they think that I should go quietly, silently, and quickly. I do not listen to either opinion.
I can understand the feelings of those friends who resolutely oppose my return to China. They can be divided into two categories. One are those who have not personally suffered persecution in China. But they have joined us. Established on the facts that many good people have been innocently persecuted to death or even have become victim of the forced organ harvesting, they have received political asylum from Western human rights countries. They fear that when I return to China, I will be killed by those hooligans in China. The others have personally undergone torturing and persecution in China. They are afraid that I could not stand for the suffering of the torture which they have experienced. They warry that I could be forced to go to the opposite side and unwillingly to become a rogue accomplice.
However, I firmly believe that there is no standard in China. The problem is that no one follows the law. Actually, China’s affairs cannot be decided by anybody, but vary from person to person, place to place, and from time to time. It’s not that everyone shall experience the same. Also not the same experiencing will result in the same outcome. Moreover, fleeing from China is not the guarantee from persecution. In fact, many people are still being persecuted abroad, in different ways, such as economic persecution and emotional persecution, healthy persecution, etc.
I believe in God. I believe that people's fate, destiny and difficulties are all arranged by higher beings. Those who shouldn't die, cannot die even they wish to. In addition, people are inherently dead, either lighter than feathers, or heavier than Mountain Tai. Therefore, for a person like me who has experienced dying for many times, does death still have any special significance?
Since the day we decided to return to China, I have seen that my children have never been so happy and have never shown such enthusiasm for life as now. They suddenly found that their humble Chinese mother has such a lovely big family with so many loved ones. They are so exited and proud. They are full of yearning for China. They used to refuse to learn Chinese because they didn’t want to learn the language of the country which kidnaped their mother. Now they are actively learning Chinese by their own. They even consider changing the nationality and name into a Chinese one in the future! As if they used to be duckweed floating on the water without roots. They didn’t know why they live, didn’t know where they come from, who they are, and what is the purpose that they come to this world. They also didn’t want to hear me telling about China’s story or my views on China. But now they come to ask by their own.
If, during this trip, I really encounter unexpected difficulties from the hooligans, then they will understand the fact that I could not make them understand. They will understand why their mother have been their mother. My relatives in China will understand that I am not as ruthless and perverted as the rogue propagandistically. They will finally understand who is right and who is wrong. Therefore, because of this, I risk no loss at all.
For me, life itself is a risk. Reincarnation is a risk. Birth is a risk. Every step of growth is a risk, Being alive is a risk, and death is still a risk.
If our journey to China is going well, it is best. Our experience is living advertisement. The whole world will see China's progress. Countless elites and people with insight will gather in China like clouds in the sky . They will contribute to the development of China. Who do not want such an outcome? As long as a person is a Chinese, or any a person with good will shall definitely choose the latter, not the former. This is also obvious.
I will not return China quietly. Instead , I choose to be open, all transparent, including information about our flights. We go back to our own country in an upright manner. We return to our own home and visit our parents and loved ones in an upright and respectful manner. We are dignified to be mothers, to be children, to be Chinese people, to be good people. Why should we sneak? What's more, even if we go quietly, those rogues will also know. Those who are kept in the darkness shall only be good people. It is the good people who are kept in the dark can supervise the rogue acts! So I announce here our flight. Please supervise.
We fly with Hainan Airlines from Brussels at 20:20 on May 8th, shall arrive Shenzhen Baoan Airport at 13:50 on May 9. We leave Shenzhen on 9 May at 19:15 and shall arrive Guiyang Longdongbao Airport at 20:55 am. We shall take public transportation in China. At 21:55 on May 16, we shall fly with Hainan Airlines from Guiyang Longdongbao Airport and shall arrive Shenzhen Baoan Airport at 23:30. At 9:25 on May 17th, we take Hainan Airlines from Shenzhen Baoan Airport and leave China. At 16:00 on the 17th we shall arrive Brussels.
Photo: author Tang Zhimin and a good friend, Dutch well-known politician Harry van Bommel at Freedom Square of Amsterdam, Holland
V Replace tears with smile
Photo: work of Tang Zhimin, water color, 50 x 70 cm, What you see comes from what you have in your soul. Privately collected.
My book is titled "Tiananmen in Tears". It was The Tiananmen Square which was crying, and me too.
After the year of 1989, in my surroundings, almost everyone wanted to leave China. Western governments opened their door to Chinese students and scholars. At that time, friends advised me to flee. I did not because I thought that I have been standing on the side of the masses of the people. How could I be a dissident? Why should I flee? In my opinion, dissidents were those who took the people as enemies and they should flee, not me. I tried to leave China for studying abroad. In 1992, I was admitted to the College of West Orrigan in the United States. I failed for not having passport.
At that time, corrupt criminals misused the state power and took advantage of this tide of going abroad to make their personal gains. I was asked to pay 50,000 yuan. I refused to cooperate with the corruption. I said: I am young and I can wait. After the old guys die, I'm still alive! However, I cried the whole way from Guiyang to Peking. Two years later, the then provincial governor and his wife of Guizhou Province were executed because of corruption and bribery. When I went to apply for a passport to study in the Netherlands in 1995, nobody dared to ask money from me. In many departments I dealt with. Someone would be surprised to ask: Are you really Tang Zhimin? I paid RMB 103 as fee!
After I was abducted in 2005, I vowed that I would refuse to return to China as long as China does not change. When I come back, it will be the time for an upheaval change in China. Who knows? I wait to see!
When I came to the Netherlands in 1995, I was very happy that I was finally free. I learned Dutch very quickly. By the time of Easter 1999, I wrote the long poem “In that beautiful summer, I died.” . The Dutch people were proud of me. My story was soon discovered by the media. I didn't feel like a hero, nor did I want to make money with my story. I just wanted to tell the world: I'm still alive! Live in freedom, live in love.
I was wrong. I have no freedom at all! The publication of my story “Tiananmen In Tears” brought me, who was just awake from a sleep for 10 years in death, to the battlefield. While the media was overwhelmingly enthusiast, yet people could not buy my books at the bookstores. Over a time, the bookstores returned the books to the publishing house. The originally scheduled reprint plan was cancelled because my story was “too political”. Later, the publishing house had somehow announced the closure . The copyright of my book is going to I do not know who. I had to buy all my own books I was very disappointed and tired: In this free country known as one of the best of human rights, everyone is free, except for me, just because I come from China!
In 2005, I was defrauded back to China. Hooligans contacted my parents under the name of the local government. They persuade my parents to ask me to come back to China because the situation has changed. They hope that I would use my international relations to contribute to the development of my hometown. They welcome me returning for invest. But that was a trap! During the three-week trip, I was tracked all the way and kidnapped three times. The rogues were very “good “to me because they did not beat me and did not torture me physically. However, I was mentally and spiritually transformed. The purpose of the transformation was to force me to stand up and say that they were very good to me and therefore to say that the Chinese police is very human and that China has advanced with human rights. I certainly could not lie because my conscience was still there. That was real destruction and torture.
Even if this time turns out again to be a trap or a fire pit, a knife hill or a sea of fire, I must go. Because respect for parents and love for children is a matter of human nature. It is also the law of the universe, from which I am inescapable. However, I shall not cry anymore. I do not go to Tiananmen, nor can I see tears of Tiananmen. The pain of the past I left to the past.
I shall face everything that should happen with a smile. I shall treat every person I will meet met smile. In my opinion, people are always suffering anyway. Because of suffering and because of hardship, talents can grow and life can become sublimated. I hace to go back to the mountains of Guizhou where I am raised up. I shall get back my original, ignorance like naivety. In memory, the wild and lagging mountain sides are my paradise.
I prepared two songs for this trip. A native composition of Chinese mainland, "Oh, land of China! " , plus a Western composition “We Shall Over Come Someday" in English and in my own Chinese translation. I'm willing to sing for anyone. If possible, I'll sing on the street.
Audio / Video: 1, Before Tang Zhimin returned to China to visit her family, she sung affectionately Chinese song "Oh, Land of China" in a natural park on the border between the Netherlands and Belgium, called the "holy land", https://youtu.be/P62avqu5i8A
2. Sing of Tang Zhimin to friends who had donated for her trip “We Shall Over Come Someday/We will win” in English and Chinese in the studio of the Art Academy which she is attending. She said: I am going back to China for peace, not for fight, so I will surely return, alive.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dffzEpo7UTI&feature=youtu.be
phofo: Tangzhimin performing in the atelier where she studies. in the background her own works
Since the day we decided to return to China, I have seen that my children have never been so happy and have never shown such enthusiasm for life as now. They suddenly found that their humble Chinese mother has such a lovely big family with so many loved ones. They are so exited and proud. They are full of yearning for China. They used to refuse to learn Chinese because they didn’t want to learn the language of the country which kidnaped their mother. Now they are actively learning Chinese by their own. They even consider changing the nationality and name into a Chinese one in the future! As if they used to be duckweed floating on the water without roots. They didn’t know why they live, didn’t know where they come from, who they are, and what is the purpose that they come to this world. They also didn’t want to hear me telling about China’s story or my views on China. But now they come to ask by their own.
If, during this trip, I really encounter unexpected difficulties from the hooligans, then they will understand the fact that I could not make them understand. They will understand why their mother have been their mother. My relatives in China will understand that I am not as ruthless and perverted as the rogue propagandistically. They will finally understand who is right and who is wrong. Therefore, because of this, I risk no loss at all.
For me, life itself is a risk. Reincarnation is a risk. Birth is a risk. Every step of growth is a risk, Being alive is a risk, and death is still a risk.
If our journey to China is going well, it is best. Our experience is living advertisement. The whole world will see China's progress. Countless elites and people with insight will gather in China like clouds in the sky . They will contribute to the development of China. Who do not want such an outcome? As long as a person is a Chinese, or any a person with good will shall definitely choose the latter, not the former. This is also obvious.
I will not return China quietly. Instead , I choose to be open, all transparent, including information about our flights. We go back to our own country in an upright manner. We return to our own home and visit our parents and loved ones in an upright and respectful manner. We are dignified to be mothers, to be children, to be Chinese people, to be good people. Why should we sneak? What's more, even if we go quietly, those rogues will also know. Those who are kept in the darkness shall only be good people. It is the good people who are kept in the dark can supervise the rogue acts! So I announce here our flight. Please supervise.
We fly with Hainan Airlines from Brussels at 20:20 on May 8th, shall arrive Shenzhen Baoan Airport at 13:50 on May 9. We leave Shenzhen on 9 May at 19:15 and shall arrive Guiyang Longdongbao Airport at 20:55 am. We shall take public transportation in China. At 21:55 on May 16, we shall fly with Hainan Airlines from Guiyang Longdongbao Airport and shall arrive Shenzhen Baoan Airport at 23:30. At 9:25 on May 17th, we take Hainan Airlines from Shenzhen Baoan Airport and leave China. At 16:00 on the 17th we shall arrive Brussels.
Photo: author Tang Zhimin and a good friend, Dutch well-known politician Harry van Bommel at Freedom Square of Amsterdam, Holland
V Replace tears with smile
Photo: work of Tang Zhimin, water color, 50 x 70 cm, What you see comes from what you have in your soul. Privately collected.
My book is titled "Tiananmen in Tears". It was The Tiananmen Square which was crying, and me too.
After the year of 1989, in my surroundings, almost everyone wanted to leave China. Western governments opened their door to Chinese students and scholars. At that time, friends advised me to flee. I did not because I thought that I have been standing on the side of the masses of the people. How could I be a dissident? Why should I flee? In my opinion, dissidents were those who took the people as enemies and they should flee, not me. I tried to leave China for studying abroad. In 1992, I was admitted to the College of West Orrigan in the United States. I failed for not having passport.
At that time, corrupt criminals misused the state power and took advantage of this tide of going abroad to make their personal gains. I was asked to pay 50,000 yuan. I refused to cooperate with the corruption. I said: I am young and I can wait. After the old guys die, I'm still alive! However, I cried the whole way from Guiyang to Peking. Two years later, the then provincial governor and his wife of Guizhou Province were executed because of corruption and bribery. When I went to apply for a passport to study in the Netherlands in 1995, nobody dared to ask money from me. In many departments I dealt with. Someone would be surprised to ask: Are you really Tang Zhimin? I paid RMB 103 as fee!
After I was abducted in 2005, I vowed that I would refuse to return to China as long as China does not change. When I come back, it will be the time for an upheaval change in China. Who knows? I wait to see!
When I came to the Netherlands in 1995, I was very happy that I was finally free. I learned Dutch very quickly. By the time of Easter 1999, I wrote the long poem “In that beautiful summer, I died.” . The Dutch people were proud of me. My story was soon discovered by the media. I didn't feel like a hero, nor did I want to make money with my story. I just wanted to tell the world: I'm still alive! Live in freedom, live in love.
I was wrong. I have no freedom at all! The publication of my story “Tiananmen In Tears” brought me, who was just awake from a sleep for 10 years in death, to the battlefield. While the media was overwhelmingly enthusiast, yet people could not buy my books at the bookstores. Over a time, the bookstores returned the books to the publishing house. The originally scheduled reprint plan was cancelled because my story was “too political”. Later, the publishing house had somehow announced the closure . The copyright of my book is going to I do not know who. I had to buy all my own books I was very disappointed and tired: In this free country known as one of the best of human rights, everyone is free, except for me, just because I come from China!
In 2005, I was defrauded back to China. Hooligans contacted my parents under the name of the local government. They persuade my parents to ask me to come back to China because the situation has changed. They hope that I would use my international relations to contribute to the development of my hometown. They welcome me returning for invest. But that was a trap! During the three-week trip, I was tracked all the way and kidnapped three times. The rogues were very “good “to me because they did not beat me and did not torture me physically. However, I was mentally and spiritually transformed. The purpose of the transformation was to force me to stand up and say that they were very good to me and therefore to say that the Chinese police is very human and that China has advanced with human rights. I certainly could not lie because my conscience was still there. That was real destruction and torture.
Even if this time turns out again to be a trap or a fire pit, a knife hill or a sea of fire, I must go. Because respect for parents and love for children is a matter of human nature. It is also the law of the universe, from which I am inescapable. However, I shall not cry anymore. I do not go to Tiananmen, nor can I see tears of Tiananmen. The pain of the past I left to the past.
I shall face everything that should happen with a smile. I shall treat every person I will meet met smile. In my opinion, people are always suffering anyway. Because of suffering and because of hardship, talents can grow and life can become sublimated. I hace to go back to the mountains of Guizhou where I am raised up. I shall get back my original, ignorance like naivety. In memory, the wild and lagging mountain sides are my paradise.
I prepared two songs for this trip. A native composition of Chinese mainland, "Oh, land of China! " , plus a Western composition “We Shall Over Come Someday" in English and in my own Chinese translation. I'm willing to sing for anyone. If possible, I'll sing on the street.
Audio / Video: 1, Before Tang Zhimin returned to China to visit her family, she sung affectionately Chinese song "Oh, Land of China" in a natural park on the border between the Netherlands and Belgium, called the "holy land", https://youtu.be/P62avqu5i8A
2. Sing of Tang Zhimin to friends who had donated for her trip “We Shall Over Come Someday/We will win” in English and Chinese in the studio of the Art Academy which she is attending. She said: I am going back to China for peace, not for fight, so I will surely return, alive.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dffzEpo7UTI&feature=youtu.be
phofo: Tangzhimin performing in the atelier where she studies. in the background her own works
VI My final words
I come back to China with love for my loved ones and for the motherland. I come for peace, not for fight. Therefore, during my stay in China, I promised to obey China’s laws.
I guarantee I shall never commit suicide or kill other people. No stealing, no robbery. I guarantee that I shall never carry weapons and drugs. I ensure that I shall stay away from alcohol. I shall not use any kinds of drugs. I guarantee to be maximum restraint and calm. I ensure to treat everyone with kindness.
I guarantee that no one has assigned me, instead, I stand alone against all disagreements.
I also guarantee that my children and I have all gone through physical examinations before returning to China. We are all in good health with no abnormality.
I promise that I shall never regret for my past. I also promise not to take any computer or mobile phone, or contact information of persons with me. I ensure that in the past few years, people who have worked with me have already broken off the relationship with me because of different ideas. I guarantee that I have no information to provide.
In the end, I also promise that I shall never visit prostitute.
Photo: Buddha Shakyamuni's statue in Tang Zhimin's house, single-handed lotus gesture sending righteous thoughts
VII Supplement our contacts in China
My grandfather, Tang Shaolan, passed away, served as soldier of the Republic of China (1911-1949).
My grandfather Chen Defang, passed away, was sentenced as a landowner during the land reform of CCP in 1952, died miraculously after being arrested. Family was not allow to see the body, or to ask about the whereabouts of the body or the cause of his death. His house and land were token and his children became homeless.
My younger brother, Tang Zhize, died in 2012 of mysterious car accident in China, when I was threatened with car accidence in Belgium. The local hospitals refused to give medical treatments and died of excessive bleeding.
My ancestor Shang Tang, passed away, founder of the Shang Dynasty(1675 B.C – 1029 B.C.), a great saint who loved the people like own children.
My ancestor Tang He, passed, Ming Dynasty (1368 -1644) foundering general, crowned as The Trustful of the Nation and returned to township as countryman in his later years.
My ancestor Tang Pan, passed , general Tang He's son, general of Zhennan, followed Xin Guo Gong Tang He to recover the region of Yunnan ,Guizhou and north part of Burma. After completing his mission, he settled in Happy Peole(lemin) Town, Panzhou City, Guizhou Province today. His cemetery is still in Panzhou, Guizhou Province, Peole(lemin) town.
My father, Tang Xiuda, critically ill. His hands shook involuntarily and cannot take care of himself from the year of 2005. Doctors diagnose as lack of blood supply in the brain. According to my calculations, he is suffering from fear when I was kidnapped and abducted by the rogues in 2005. His current address is: Da Afang Village, Baotian Town, Panzhou Municipality, Guizhou Province.
Photo：Shang Tang, founder of the Shang Dynasty, great saint who loved the people like own children
End
I come back to China with love for my loved ones and for the motherland. I come for peace, not for fight. Therefore, during my stay in China, I promised to obey China’s laws.
I guarantee I shall never commit suicide or kill other people. No stealing, no robbery. I guarantee that I shall never carry weapons and drugs. I ensure that I shall stay away from alcohol. I shall not use any kinds of drugs. I guarantee to be maximum restraint and calm. I ensure to treat everyone with kindness.
I guarantee that no one has assigned me, instead, I stand alone against all disagreements.
I also guarantee that my children and I have all gone through physical examinations before returning to China. We are all in good health with no abnormality.
I promise that I shall never regret for my past. I also promise not to take any computer or mobile phone, or contact information of persons with me. I ensure that in the past few years, people who have worked with me have already broken off the relationship with me because of different ideas. I guarantee that I have no information to provide.
In the end, I also promise that I shall never visit prostitute.
Photo: Buddha Shakyamuni's statue in Tang Zhimin's house, single-handed lotus gesture sending righteous thoughts
VII Supplement our contacts in China
My grandfather, Tang Shaolan, passed away, served as soldier of the Republic of China (1911-1949).
My grandfather Chen Defang, passed away, was sentenced as a landowner during the land reform of CCP in 1952, died miraculously after being arrested. Family was not allow to see the body, or to ask about the whereabouts of the body or the cause of his death. His house and land were token and his children became homeless.
My younger brother, Tang Zhize, died in 2012 of mysterious car accident in China, when I was threatened with car accidence in Belgium. The local hospitals refused to give medical treatments and died of excessive bleeding.
My ancestor Shang Tang, passed away, founder of the Shang Dynasty(1675 B.C – 1029 B.C.), a great saint who loved the people like own children.
My ancestor Tang He, passed, Ming Dynasty (1368 -1644) foundering general, crowned as The Trustful of the Nation and returned to township as countryman in his later years.
My ancestor Tang Pan, passed , general Tang He's son, general of Zhennan, followed Xin Guo Gong Tang He to recover the region of Yunnan ,Guizhou and north part of Burma. After completing his mission, he settled in Happy Peole(lemin) Town, Panzhou City, Guizhou Province today. His cemetery is still in Panzhou, Guizhou Province, Peole(lemin) town.
My father, Tang Xiuda, critically ill. His hands shook involuntarily and cannot take care of himself from the year of 2005. Doctors diagnose as lack of blood supply in the brain. According to my calculations, he is suffering from fear when I was kidnapped and abducted by the rogues in 2005. His current address is: Da Afang Village, Baotian Town, Panzhou Municipality, Guizhou Province.
Photo：Shang Tang, founder of the Shang Dynasty, great saint who loved the people like own children
End
用人性之善之光辉把黑暗照亮 -----我的自白
作者：汤志敏 2018年5月1日于比利时
图片：作者汤志敏于1999年用荷兰文出版的自传《流泪的天安门》，封面照片摄于1999年5月北京使馆区
一 中国梦，家乡梦
从少年到青年，从青年到中年，做了许多许多年中国梦，大大的，重重的，厚厚的 ，浓浓的，中国的梦， 五千年。
如今，老年将至，中国越来越大，我的梦越来越小，我累了，我告诉自己，算了，别做梦了。
在远去的中国梦中， 我梦见家乡，在家乡的梦里， 青山是否还在，我看不清楚，但我清晰地看见， 年迈的父母， 健在，依然。他们在等待，等待不小心走失的孩儿及孩儿的孩儿们平安地归来。
是对父母的愧疚？ 是对自己的怀疑？ 我从梦中走了出来： 啊，中国，家乡！啊，家乡，中国！
图片：作者汤志敏展示自己坚持了30年并以放弃西方国家国籍为代价而保留的中国护照
二 我回国了
我的父亲因病住院了，母亲要我带四个孩子尽快回国，以免后悔。这给我出了很大的难题。自2005年我回国探亲被流氓份子打着国安的旗号绑架，后经荷兰政府调停回到荷兰以后， 我就发誓，只要中国的政府还被那些流氓操控，我便拒绝回国。我还告诉父母说， 如果我们今生不能再见，我们便相约天上见。过去的十三年中，父亲已经好多次病危了。也许是因为对我和我的四个孩子们的牵挂， 我的父亲每次都从死神那里挣脱回来。
过去的十几年来，我几乎与父母及家人断绝了所有联系，免得那些流氓因为我的缘故而骚扰他们。我原以为，父亲早已不在人世了。母亲的电话让我又喜又悲，喜的是父亲居然还活在人间，悲的是我和孩子们不可能回去。
上大学的两个孩子得知我的悲哀后，义正言辞地指责我不孝，笑话我自己吓唬自己。他们说是我把自己想得太重要了，其实没有人会在意我这个小人物的那些不疼不痒的言辞，也没有人会重视我那些在他们看来无足轻重的所谓爱国的行动。他们还责怪我自私，要求我不能因为我个人的所谓理想而让他们徘徊于中国的大门之外。中国不管是好还是不好， 都在世界上有着举足轻重的影响，世界在变化， 中国在变化，他们要自己去认识中国，他们要参与包括中国在内的整个世界的发展和变化。我无言了。我陷入了沉思。
毫不避讳，专家诊断我患有创伤后遗症，容易紧张，容易恐惧，会自己吓唬自己，是因为过去的伤痛超过了我所能承受的限度，精神长期劳累所致。在专家们的指导下， 我认识到，患有这种创伤后遗症的人哪里只是我自己？而是所有的中国人！不管是受害者，还是施暴者，按照现代心理健康的标准，所有的中国人都应该放松绷紧的心态，应该修正并安慰受伤的心灵，应该接受心理治疗。
难道那些在2005年绑架我的流氓们，仅仅只是绑架了我吗？ 难道他们没有绑架整个中国的政府和在中国执政的那个党吗？难道他们打着中国的旗号， 就可以等同于中国吗？难道因为一些流氓的行为和伤害我就可以不要我的父母和我的祖国了吗？当然不能！难道在今天的“苍蝇老虎一起打”的反腐大潮中， 那些流氓不是一个个地被抓了起来了吗？难道“反腐”不是我在大学三年级时代，我和同代人就不惜以生命为代价而追求的吗？
我已经完成了我作为那一代人应该完成的使命，我已经做了时代赋予我应该去做的事情，我不该遗憾了！
是该我放手的时候了，未来的世界是年轻一代人的。紧张了大半生，操劳了大半辈子，我该考虑真正地为我自己活了，国家的事，社稷的事， 我就不用再劳神了，交给下一代人去处理吧，我决定退役，告老还乡，潜心从事艺术。
中国是大家的中国，中国是所有中国人的国，是所有中国人的家！让中国的人们用他们人性之善之光辉把笼罩在中华大地上的黑暗照亮。善哉！善哉！善善哉！
图片：作者汤志敏（左一）与四个分别为22岁，20岁，18岁和11岁的孩子们合影
三 卖书卖作品筹集路费
2005年的中国行，把我带进了地狱。我在那里遭受了精神上的折磨，流氓打着国安的旗号用尽各种办法要让我的脑袋想他们所想，要我的嘴巴说他们所说，要我成为他们谎言的宣传工具， 要我成为他们的人。我使出了浑身的招数来维护自己的良知，和他们周旋，当荷兰政府以我是荷兰人的母亲为由将我赎回荷兰以后， 我精疲力尽，像一个冻僵的石头。
之后的这些年里，流氓们打着中国政府和驻外使馆的名誉，继续骚扰我，要将我变成哑巴，变成废人。他们实行“经济上搞垮，名誉上搞臭，肉体上消灭”的群族灭绝政策来对待像我这样只想为国家好，对别人好的好人。除了我个人和我的家人收到威胁以外，我的朋友们和工作伙伴均受到威胁，还加上收买，我因此经济上和婚姻上都倒闭，背了很多的债务。
受我们所居住国比利时公司倒闭法的保护，政府委派律师帮我管理我的债务和收支，不让债主直接与我联系而骚扰我，我的律师虽然非常同情我们的遭遇，非常理解我要带孩子们回国看望父亲的心情，但是，他认为我们在比利时以外的支出，他不能支付，而这次的中国行， 他也只能支付我一个人1000欧元的费用。大的两个孩子们自己边上学边打工，可以自己支付，小那两个孩子们的费用只好我们自己想办法。
我手里还有一些我自己写的书《流泪的天安门》，可惜只有荷兰文版本，我们决定以10欧元一本出售，多付更好。
同时，我现在就读于比利时TURNHOUT城市艺术学院素描班，每天都有习作，你也可以买我的作品，愿意付多少就付多少，我不还价，有意者请跟我联系，我的电话是0032
466 439 000，电子信箱是 atelierchina@live.nl， facebook账号名是白易安，推特账号是@tangzhimin。
当然也可以给我们捐款, 账号是BE20 0636
2226 6856, Bic code是GKCCBEBB ，账号姓名是Zhimin Tang.
图片：汤志敏的习作，炭画，70 x 100cm， 2018年3月於比利时
四 冒险的代价
关于我回国的决定，在我的朋友圈中引起了不小的讨论。有的认为我简直就是去送死，莫过于自杀，并坚决劝阻。 有的认为虽然不理智，可也能够理解，但他们认为我应该悄悄地去，无声无息，速去速回。而对这两种意见我都没听。
我能够理解那些坚决反对我回国的朋友们的心情，他们可以分为两类， 一类是在国内没有亲身遭受过迫害，但加入了我们的行列， 建立在过去几十年来国内无数的好人被无辜地迫害致死还有被活摘器官的事实上，领取了西方人权国家政治庇护的，他们担心我回国被流氓毒害，还有就是在国内被迫害得差点死掉，经受过酷刑的，他们担心我承受不了他们所经历过的酷刑和折磨， 而被迫走向反面， 不情愿地成为流氓的帮凶。
但是我坚信， 在中国没有标准，有法不依，实际上，中国的事，谁说了也不算，而是因人因地因时而异，再说也不是每个人都会经历同样的遭遇，更不是经历同样的遭遇都会是同样的结局， 而且， 逃离中国也不是不受迫害的保证，事实上，很多人在国外依然遭到迫害，只不过方式不同罢了，比如说，经济的迫害，情感的迫害， 健康方面的迫害，等等。而且我是有神论者，我相信，人的命， 天注定，不该死的人，无论怎样， 也死不了。 再说，人固有一死，或轻于鸿毛，或重于泰山而已。因此，对我这样不知死过了多少次的人来说，死还有什么特殊的意义吗？
自从我们决定要回国的那天起， 我看到我的孩子们从未有过的开心， 对生活表现出从未有过的热情，他们突然发现他们那个不起眼的中国妈妈在中国有那么大的一个家， 有那么多的亲人，他们好激动，好自豪，他们因此对中国冲满了向往，过去以不学绑架过他们的妈妈的国家的语言为由，而拒绝学中文，而现在他们主动学习中文，甚至考虑将来把国籍和名字都改成中国的！仿佛他们过去是飘在水面上的浮萍，没有根，不知道为什么而活，不知道自己从哪里来，是谁，来世上干什么，而且，他们也不愿意听我讲关于中国的故事及我在中国的经历，更不愿意听我对中国的见解。
如果， 此次回国我真的遇到不测，那么他们将会明白我无法让他们明白的事实，他们会明白他们的妈妈为什么成其为他们的妈妈。而我在国内的亲人也会明白我不是流氓所宣传的那样无情和变态，他们终于会明白谁是谁非。所以，就因为这些，我冒险一点也不亏。
对我来说，生命本身就是冒险，投胎是冒险，出生是冒险， 成长的每一步都是冒险， 活着本事就是冒险， 死依然是冒险。
如果，我们在国内的旅途一切顺利，那是最好不过的了，我们的经历就是活生生的广告，全世界都会看到中国的进步，无数的精英和有识之士就会云集中国，为中国的发展做贡献，有谁会不要这样的结局呢？只要是人，是中国人，就会选择后者，而不是前者，这也是显而易见的。
我不会悄悄咪咪地回国，我选择大张旗鼓，一切公开，一切透明，包括我们航班的信息。 我们堂堂正正地回自己的国， 回自己的家， 堂堂正正地去探望父母和亲人， 堂堂正正地做母亲， 做儿女， 做中国人， 做好人， 我们凭什么要偷偷摸摸呢？ 再说了， 就算我们不声不响地回国， 那些流氓也会知道的，反而蒙在鼓里的只会是好人， 而能够监督流氓行径的正是那些被蒙在鼓里的好人啊！因此我在此公开我们的航班，敬请监督。
我们5月8日20点20分从布鲁塞尔乘海南航空，
5月9号13点50分到深圳保安机场， 5月9号晚19点15分乘海南航空，20点55分到到贵阳龙洞堡机场。在国内一律乘坐公交车。5月16日21点55分，乘海南航空从贵阳龙洞堡23点30分到达深圳保安机场，5月17日9点25从深圳保安机场乘海南航空离开中国，5月17日 16点到达布鲁塞尔。
照片：作者汤志敏与好友荷兰知名政治家Harry van Bommel 在阿姆斯特丹自由广场
五 以微笑代替眼泪
图片：作者汤志敏的作品《相由心生》， 水粉，50 x 70 cm， 2017年夏，已被收藏
我的书名叫《流泪的天安门》，是天安门在流泪， 而我也在流泪。
89年以后，在我的周围，几乎人人想离开中国，而西方政府也打开大门接纳中国的学生学者，那时，有朋友劝我逃亡，可我没有，因为我觉得我是站在千千万万的人民大众那一边的，我不是异议人士，不该逃亡，而异议人士是那些与人民为敌的人，他们才该逃亡。我倒是争取以留学的方式离开中国，1992年，我被美国西沃雷根大学录取，可是我一直申请不到护照。
那时，有掌握国家权力的犯罪分子利用这个出国潮流乘机发横财，我被要求交付50000人民币，我拒绝配合腐败，我说：我可以等，等那些老家伙们死了我还活着！可是，我从贵阳哭到北京。2年以后， 贵州省当时的省长及夫人真的就因为贪污受贿而被处决了。
当我1995年再去办理留学荷兰的护照时，没有人敢管我要钱，只是，我每到一个部门， 就会有人惊讶地问：你就是汤志敏？我交了103元人民币手续费！2005年我被绑架以后我发誓，只要中国不改变，我就拒绝回国，我回来的时候就是中国发生天翻地覆的改变的时候。谁知道呢？我拭目以待！
1995年我来到荷兰的时候，我太高兴了，以为自己终于自由了，由于我很快学会了荷兰文，1999年复活节，我写了长诗《在那个美丽的夏天，我死了》。荷兰人以我为骄傲，我的故事很快被媒体发现，我没有觉得自己是英雄，也没有想过要以我的故事去挣钱，我只是想要告诉世界：我还活着！活在自由里，活在爱里。
我错了，我根本没有自由！我的故事《流泪的天安门》的出版，将刚刚从死亡中沉睡了10年的我带入了战场，就在媒体铺天盖地的关注的时候，人们在书店却买不到我的书，过一段时间，书店纷纷将书退回出版社，本来定好的再版计划被取消，因为我的故事“太政治”， 后来出版社莫名其妙地宣布倒闭，版权不知落入了什么人的手里。我很失望，也很累：在这个号称人权最好的自由国度，人人是自由的，就我不自由，因为我来自中国！
2005年， 我被设了圈套骗回中国，流氓以当地政府的名誉和我父母联系， 通过我父母告诉我国内情况已经改变，希望我利用我的国际关系为家乡的发展做贡献，并欢迎我回国来投资，可那是一个陷阱！三个星期的行程中，我全程被跟踪，三次被绑架。流氓们对我很“好”，没有打我，没有对我施加酷刑，可是，我被进行心理的和精神的转化，转化的目的就是要我站出来说他们对我很好，说中国的警察很人性，中国在人权进步了之类的话，我做不到，我无法撒谎，因为我的良心还在，那才是真正的摧残和折磨。
就算这一次又是一个陷阱，是一个火坑，是一座刀山，是一个火海，我也要去，因为对父母的尊敬，对孩子和对亲人的爱乃是人伦也是天理，我义不容辞。可是，我不再流泪，我也不去天安门，看不到天安门的眼泪。
我将以微笑面对一切该发生的事，用微笑对待每一个我会遇到的人。过去的痛苦我留给过去，在我看来，人活着本来就是受苦， 因为有了苦难可受，人才会进步，生命才会升华。我要回到生我养我的贵州的大山里，找回我的原本近乎於无知一般的天真。记忆中，那个洪荒落后的山坡就是我的天堂。
我为这次中国行准备了两首歌，中国本土的创作《啊， 中国的土地！》和英文原创《We Shall Over Come Someday》我自己翻译成了《我们定会胜利》，我愿意为任何一个人义务演唱，如果可能，我到大街上去唱。
2，汤志敏回国之前，向为她此次回国捐款的朋友们，在她就读的艺术学院的画室li用英文和中文演唱《We Shall Over Come Someday/我们定会胜利》，她说：“我这次回去是为了和平， 而不是为了斗争，因此我肯定会回来，活着回来。”
六 最后的倾诉
我怀着满腔对亲人对祖国的爱而来，我为和平而来，而不是为斗争而来，因此，我保证在中国逗留期间遵守中国的法律，我保证不自杀，我保证不杀人，保证不偷盗， 不抢劫，我保证不携带武器和毒品，保证不汹酒，不吸毒。
我保证最大限度地克制，保证善待每一个人，我保证没有人指使我，反而是我自己力排众议， 决意要回国的。
我保证最大限度地克制，保证善待每一个人，我保证没有人指使我，反而是我自己力排众议， 决意要回国的。
我还保证我和孩子们在回国之前，做过体检，身体健康，没有异常，我保证不悔过，我还保证此次回国不带电脑， 不带手机以及任何人的联系方式，同时， 在过去的几年里，因为想法不同，和我合作过的人早已和我断绝了关系，我保证没有情报可以提供.
最后，我还保证不去嫖娼。
图片：汤志敏家中的释迦牟尼佛像，单手立掌发正念式
七 补充我们在中国的联系
我的爷爷汤绍兰，已故，当过中华民国的军人。
我的外公陈德芳，已故，土改时被判为地主，被捕后离奇死亡，家人没有看到尸体，也不允许问尸体的下落及死亡的原因, 家产被没收，子女沦为孤儿。
我的弟弟汤志泽，已故，2012年我在比利时被以车祸威胁的时候，在中国遭遇神奇车祸，当地医院不给治疗，因流血过多而死亡。
我的祖先商汤，已故，商朝建立者，爱民如子的一代圣君。
我的先祖汤和，已故，明朝开国将军，被封为信国公，晚年时告老还乡。
我的先祖汤盘，已故，汤和之子，明朝镇南将军，跟随信国公汤和，收复云贵缅，完成任务后定居今天贵州省盘州市乐民镇， 墓地在贵州省盘州市乐民镇。
我的父亲汤修达，病危，自2005年起，双手不自主地颤抖，生活不能自理，医生诊断为脑部供血不足， 据我推断是2005年我回国被流氓绑架惊吓所致，目前居住地址：贵州省盘州市保田镇大阿方村.
我的父亲汤修达，病危，自2005年起，双手不自主地颤抖，生活不能自理，医生诊断为脑部供血不足， 据我推断是2005年我回国被流氓绑架惊吓所致，目前居住地址：贵州省盘州市保田镇大阿方村.
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